Economic Stimulus Payment – Ironic or Moronic?

Sometime this year, taxpayers will receive an Economic Stimulus Payment. This is a very exciting new program that I will explain using the Q and A format:

“Q. What is an Economic Stimulus Payment?
“A. It is money that the federal government will send to taxpayers.

“Q. Where will the government get this money?
“A. From taxpayers.

“Q. So the government is giving me back my own money?
“A. No, they are borrowing it from China. Your children are expected to repay the Chinese.

“Q. What is the purpose of this payment?
“A. The plan is that you will use the money to purchase a high-definition TV set, thus stimulating the economy.

“Q. But isn’t that stimulating the economy of China ?
“A. Shut up.”

Below is some helpful advice on how to best help the US economy by spending your stimulus check wisely:

If you spend that money at Wal-Mart, all the money will go to China .

If you spend it on gasoline it will go to Hugo Chavez, the Arabs and Al Qaeda

If you purchase a computer it will go to Taiwan.

If you purchase fruit and vegetables it will go to Mexico, Honduras, and Guatemala (unless you buy organic).

If you buy a car it will go to Germany, Japan and Korea.

If you purchase prescription drugs it will go to India

If you purchase heroin it will go to the Taliban in Afghanistan

If you give it to a charitable cause, it will go to Nigeria.

And none of it will help the American economy.

We need to keep that money here in America. You can keep the money in America by spending it at yard sales, going to a baseball game, or spend it on prostitutes, domestic beer, or tattoos, since those are the only businesses still in the US.

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6 Responses to Economic Stimulus Payment – Ironic or Moronic?

  1. Joe says:

    Ironic or Moronic? Try socialistic.

  2. Geo says:

    You could spend it at Circuit Ci– oh.

  3. JamieTheSword says:

    Dear Americans

    Buy Scotch whiskey.

    Thanks, Scotland.

  4. Mark says:

    if only people had complained about the last administrations spending we wouldn’t need to complain about trying to fix it.

  5. Alusawhiri says:

    I love all your political posts. Supporting Obama all the way, and now hating everything he’s doing. Lovely.

  6. Jon says:

    Why would terrorists even get money from gasoline?

    Other than that the rest is true xD

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